You have a kidney stone. Of course you do. You have been drinking too much milk, sitting in a draught, and being yourself, which is three risk factors before breakfast. Sit still. No, stiller. This week you will:

  • Walk briskly to the coast. Any coast.
  • Reduce your egg intake to zero, then lower.
  • Sleep for nine hours, starting at a time of your choosing, which will be wrong.
  • Apologise to your mother.

Derek Plume, 51, milkman, of Thorpe St Andrew, went into the Norfolk & Norwich on Tuesday 22 September for a routine kidney stone. He came round on Wednesday without either kidney. The surgeon, Mr Ainsley Croft, had picked up the CT scan of a 74-year-old woman from the next bay, a Mrs Enid Tarbuck, who had been referred for something else entirely and who still has both of hers. The Trust’s first letter to Plume, dated Friday, apologises for ‘any inconvenience caused during your recent visit’ and encloses a £10 voucher for the League of Friends café, redeemable against hot drinks only. Plume’s partner, Marcia Blunt, has read the letter eleven times. She has questions. The Trust has a complaints procedure. It is 46 pages long.

The surgeon has been placed on a rota of reflective practice

Mr Croft, who has 22 years’ experience and a framed certificate in laparoscopic technique, was not suspended. He was moved to a ‘supported learning pathway’, which is NHS English for a fortnight off with full pay and a mandatory e-module on scan verification. He told the Trust’s internal review that the two scans ‘looked similar’, which is true in the sense that both were of a human abdomen and both were printed on A4. The review found no ‘systemic failings’. It found 14 ‘learning opportunities’. One of them is a laminated poster, now affixed to the theatre door, reading CHECK THE NAME. The poster cost £340 to design.

“We are deeply sorry,” said Dr Ottoline Peverell, Clinical Director of the Norfolk & Norwich University Hospital. “Lessons have been learned and embedded.”

She said this while checking her phone. She has said it before, about the swabs, and about the leg.

A folder marked CORRECT SCANS now exists

Following the incident, the Trust has introduced a new system. Scans of the correct patient are to be kept in a folder. The folder is blue. It is kept in a locked cabinet in a room that also contains the kettle. Staff have been reminded to look at the folder before operating. So far, 11 staff have looked at the folder. Three of them were lost and looking for the kettle.

“The new folder represents a step change in patient safety culture,” said Dr Peverell.

She did not say what the old culture was, but we can infer it involved a certain looseness with other people’s organs. The Trust’s annual report, published Thursday, describes 2025-26 as ‘a year of strong governance’. Page 61 mentions ‘a small number of procedure-related variances’.

Norwich And District Wrong Organ Support has had a busy week

NADWOS, founded in 2019 by a man who had the wrong foot operated on at the James Paget, now has 47 members, up from 12 on Monday. Its chair, Yvonne Kettle, 68, of Wymondham, runs the group from a back room of the King’s Head and keeps the minutes in a ring binder. She has written to the Trust requesting a meeting. The Trust has offered a meeting on 14 April 2029, at 8.15am, in a room with no parking, and asked that attendees bring their own refreshments.

“I will attend, because otherwise they win,” said Ms Kettle. “I have also asked whether Mr Croft will be there.”

The Trust says Mr Croft ‘remains a valued colleague’ and will be ‘on annual leave’ that week. All of that week. And the week after.

Derek Plume has been advised to take a brisk walk

Plume is now on dialysis at the Norfolk & Norwich three times a week, which is the same hospital, which is awkward. His GP, Dr Sanjay Bhandari, has written to him recommending ‘gentle exercise, a reduction in egg consumption, and a positive mental attitude’. Plume, who has not eaten an egg since 2011 due to an unrelated matter, is said to be ‘livid’. He has been signed off work indefinitely. His milk round has been taken over by a man called Gavin who has already lost two customers, both of whom have complained.

Plume is considering standing as an independent in the Thorpe St Andrew division at the county elections in May on a single-issue platform: kidneys. He has a slogan. He has a leaflet. He has no kidneys. He says he feels lighter, which is not a joke, it is a symptom.