Science
The M25 Went Missing for a Week: What It Means for Conservatives
The state lost an entire motorway and sold it as breakfast cereal. The feasibility study will report in 2029.
Science
Discoveries, experiments, and the societies that quarrel over both.
Plate: Death and the Astronomer
Science
Scientists Warn World Has Only 8 Years of Mince Pies Left
The UK has 412 million mince pies left and a projected depletion date of 24 December 2034. Dr Bill Bornfrom has read the stocktake and blames you personally.
Science
Focus Groups Reveal Rising Percentage of Nuns Diligently Rationing Teabags
A spreadsheet error, a TikTok trend, and a nun who has rationed teabags since 1971. Dr Bill Bornfrom is watching.
Science
The Bermuda Triangle Hunt Takes Stunning Turn as a Bag of Coal Found in York
A bag of coal found in a York shed is declared the smoking gun of the Bermuda Triangle, bought by the Smithsonian, then revealed to be from a 1971 allotment. The institute refuses to retract, a judge orders it returned to the sea, and the coal has not moved.
Science
Met Office Urges Brits to Put Their Next-Door Neighbour in the Freezer as 31C Saharan Plume Hits
The Met Office's new heatwave plan involves freezing your neighbour. One man survived on frozen peas and a grudge.
Science
Noah’s Ark Hunt Takes Stunning Turn as a Ball of Dirt Found in Croydon
A £2.4 million search for Noah's Ark ends in a Croydon MOT bay, where a team of geologists with a stick find a 1963 Ford Anglia and nine tonnes of dog dirt. The lead archaeologist is not deterred, a local man has been charging £4 to look at it since 2021, and the council wants a mini roundabout.
Science
Average Briton Now Owns 35 Buckets They Have Never Used
A new ONS survey finds the average British household owns 35 unused buckets. Dr Bill Bornfrom has diagnosed you personally, and he is not finished with the ones under your stairs.