Culture
10 Things Baronesses Do When Nobody Is Watching
barefoot arts critic frederica organ infiltrates the house of lords and finds crisps, a golf club, and a list with her name on it. the beetroot does not lie.
The Morgue
Newspapers have always called their archive the morgue. Ours holds every story ever laid to rest here, newest first. Search it, or sort by desk.
Culture
Putin Cast as Shia LaBeouf in Biopic Nobody Asked For
A £90 million Putin biopic starring Shia LaBeouf, who hasn't blinked since August and wrestles a bear named Susan, is released to 11 viewers and no BAFTA nominations.
Health
NHS to Prescribe MDMA for Waiting Lists
Frederica Organ visits the NHS MDMA waiting-list pilot, finds ecstatic nudity, a cuddling epidemic, and a borscht factory that has finally found its purpose. She is barefoot, obviously.
Culture
Is Your Electric Scooter Secretly a Tory? 10 Warning Signs
Two hundred and six of Britain's electric scooters are covert Tory operatives. Yours is one of them, and it has been taking notes.
Culture
These Are the Places in Merseyside for Smelling Students
a barefoot critic sniffs her way across merseyside and finds the true scent of studenthood: lynx africa, stale red bull, and the faint whiff of revolution.
World
Scotland Offers to Swap Dehumidifiers for Trade Deal
Scotland offers England 400,000 dehumidifiers in exchange for a customs union. England accepts, then discovers the machines are the size of wardrobes and the storage bill is £14 million. Frederica Organ reports barefoot from the border.
Culture
Top 5 Places in Kyiv for Pointing at Poor People
Dr Bill Bornfrom rates Kyiv's best spots for pointing at the poor, from a McDonald's to a squatted balcony, with clinical precision and a note about eggs.
Business
Supermarkets Ration Starships to 4 Per Customer
Panic buying has forced supermarkets to limit Starships to four per customer. Your correspondent queued, sneered, and accidentally bought four herself.
Health
Sunderland Pensioner Swaps Blood Pressure Pills for Laughing Gas, Feels “Fantastic”
Sunderland pensioner swaps blood pressure pills for laughing gas, feels 'fantastic', and the NHS sees a saving opportunity. The scheme ends in arrest, but she's still laughing.
Culture
Local Soy Boy Has Strong Opinions About Air Fryers
Dominic Pargetter called the air fryer a 'small plastic prison for a potato'. He does not own one. Westminster has now spent £340,000 asking whether he is right.
Science
Average Briton Now Owns 35 Buckets They Have Never Used
A new ONS survey finds the average British household owns 35 unused buckets. Dr Bill Bornfrom has diagnosed you personally, and he is not finished with the ones under your stairs.
Culture
Ilhan Omar Denies Practising Karate on a Roof Tile Despite 32 Witnesses
Thirty-two witnesses saw Ilhan Omar perform a four-minute karate sequence on a reclaimed Barnsley roof tile. Her office says she was watching a documentary about the Pennine Way. The tile now lives in Wakefield, facing a wall.