Culture
Bungling Surgeons Remove Wrong Kidneys From Norwich Milkman
A milkman goes in for a stone and comes out with nothing to filter. The Trust offers a voucher and a folder. The folder is blue.
Culture
Arts, media, and the discourse about the discourse.
Plate: Death and the Critic
Culture
I Found Lynx Deodorant in My Fiance’s Spare Room - Should I Make a Scene?
A Didsbury estate agent found a half-empty can of Lynx Africa in his spare room. Six months of hidden brother followed. Dr Bill Bornfrom has seen the spreadsheet.
Culture
Netanyahu Loses World Record for Most Times Waving at Someone Who Was Waving at Someone Else to a Poor Person
Benjamin Netanyahu loses his world record for misdirected waving to an unemployed plumber from Scunthorpe, and our doctor is not surprised.
Culture
Crawley Lollipop Lady Breaks World Record for Most Tupperware Boxes Opened at Once
A lollipop lady breaks a world record, and a council loses its mind over a 1972 bylaw and a suspicious coleslaw.
Culture
One Cheeky Tip to Remove Your Forehead Using Nothing but a Roof Tile
A 34-year-old artist invites the public to have their foreheads sanded with a roof tile. The council calls it grooming. A retired roofer from Eastbourne becomes the most booked man in Bexhill.
Culture
York Teenager Breaks World Record for Most Times Being Told to Calm Down
A York teenager's world record for being told to calm down is verified, downgraded, and then weaponised by the council, while his sister's rival claim is disqualified and the dog is placed on file.
Culture
Brad Pitt’s LinkedIn: “Open to Work as a Scumbag in Manchester”
Brad Pitt is now a zero-hours scumbag in Manchester, and 11,000 locals think they can do it better. Dr Bill Bornfrom prescribes brisk walks and less egg to the whole city.
Culture
Hull Lad Still Not Over the Inflation Figures
Dean Frobisher, 28, of Hull, has been in visible grievance since inflation fell to 2.1 per cent on 17 September, a figure he regards as a personal slight. He has written fourteen letters to the Bank of England. None has been answered. One has been leafleted.
Culture
13 Signs Your Woman Is Secretly Bumming Mexicans
Your correspondent investigates thirteen signs that a woman is leaving you, and discovers the only Mexican involved is a divorce solicitor in Stockport.
Culture
Bouncer’s Hot Tub Trick Breaks the Internet
a 19-year-old bouncer rotates in a hot tub with a traffic cone on his head, says nothing, and becomes a six-figure cultural icon. i watched it barefoot and the water was not clean.
Culture
Sir David Beckham Spotted Staring at Wanking Intern
Sir David Beckham stared at an intern for four minutes and eleven seconds. The intern was following his own firm's leaflet. The cufflink was novelty.
Culture
This Morning Viewers Fume as Richard Branson Is Caught Whinging About a Foetus Live on Air
Richard Branson called an unborn baby a freeloader on live television. Britain complained, mostly about the balloon.